Orc was crouched on the cavern floor
And kept an eye on the oaken door
For many a night he'd watched it close
To see who might appear.
Oh dear! See him leer?
He's clutching a mighty spear!

Orc was guarding a mighty stash
And any who'd come he'd have to slash
For stacked on high in the cavern behind
Were kegs of goblin beer
Oh dear! To his rear
The Goblin King kept all his beer!

Dwarf was thirsty as he crawled
To the oaken door on the cliff face wall
His nose had caught the scent of ale
Oh what a sweet sensation.
Elation! Fixation!
He's found the Goblin's libation.

Chorus:
Dwarf and Orc
A battle not worth telling
Spear or cork
With which should ye be assailing
Just pop a dwarf on the head with a cork
And see if his axe don't sing!
Just take that axe upon yer skull
And see if yer head don't ring!

With his axe he smote the place
But no surprise on the Goblin's face
Whilst guarding he'd just helped himself
And drank all the Goblin King's brew
Oh boo! What to do?
He's got himself into a stew!

The door came crashing in on Orc
Who'd traded his spear for a beer to uncork
His drunken smile was soon replaced
As Dwarven axe did cleave that face
What a case - of disgrace
The dwarf was king of the place

So in the dark he felt around
But nothing intact was to be found
The bottles smashed, the kegs all dry
The Orc had drunk the lot
Found it not! Such a sot!
And deserving of what he had got!

Chorus:
Dwarf and Orc
A battle not worth telling
Spear or cork
With which should ye be assailing
Just pop a dwarf on the head with a cork
And see if his axe don't sing!
Just take that axe upon yer skull
And see if yer head don't ring!