Oh, we grow things mighty big down in Kentucky
But there's nothing in that state that can compare
To a cow that we once had us
And the name of her was Gladys
Boy, you should have seen the neighbors stop and stare.
She stood 10 feet tall and had one purple eyeball
It took eight of us to milk her, here is why:
She had 27 spigots
And the tourists all bought tickets
Just to watch us milk and hear us loudly cry-y-y-y...
(Chorus)

Oh, pass the udder udder and I'll pass it to my brudder
And I'll pass the udder udder dis-a-way
So we passed the udder udder and I passed it to my brudder
Oh, we really had our hands full every day.
We created quite a spectacle, I grant you
But we milked her just as pretty as you please
And while people said "How funny,"
We raked in enough durn money
To go out and order ermine BVD's.
Father turned her on her back one Sunday morning
Gladys said "I'm upside down, now what's the gag?"
"Well, the reason why," said Pop
"is so the cream will be on top."
"Gosh," the cow said, "in that case, it's in the bag!"

Now our Gladys was a star in cattle circles
Though she couldn't read or write her name in full
You would think she'd been to college
Although she herself acknowledged
That she gained her fame entirely by pull.
Gladdys said to us one cold and wintry morning
She said "Milking is the thing I dearly loves,
But when I get a cold it lingers
And I can't stand icy fingers
So go on back in the house and get your gloves!"