I come from a land, far far away
Where we brew great beer every single day
It comes in pints and it's served ice cold
And the recipe to make it is very very old

But today I have come to you shitty little town
And my smile has turned right upside down
Cos they served me a beer and it tastes like piss
I am Captain Yarrface, I can't drink this!

So I believe that you will trust me
When I say that this beer's no better
Than what I produce in my bathtub

The beer from my town is better than yours
The beer from my town is better than yours
And all your women are ugly whores
Cos the beer from my town is better than yours
The beer from my town is better than yours
The beer from my town is better than yours
I could teach you, but I'd have to charge
Cos the beer from my town is better than yours

I went to France to drink some beer
It tastes like greasy anal smears
In Germany I quaffed a lot of booze
It reminded me of smelly old shoes

I drank a pint in Eng-er-land
But it was warm and tasted bland
And when I got very drunk in Belgium
I thought I was drinking toilet scum

So I believe that you will trust me
When I say that this beer's no better
Than what I produce in my bathtub

The beer from my town is better than yours
The beer from my town is better than yours
And all your women are ugly whores
Cos the beer from my town is better than yours
The beer from my town is better than yours
The beer from my town is better than yours
I could teach you, but I'd have to charge
Cos the beer from my town is better than yours

So I believe that you will trust me
When I say that this beer's no better
Than what I produce in my bathtub
Awww mate it's fucking disgusting

The beer from my town is better than yours
The beer from my town is better than yours
And all your women are ugly whores
Cos the beer from my town is better than yours
The beer from my town is better than yours
The beer from my town is better than yours
I could teach you, but I'd have to charge
Cos the beer from my town is better than yours